Sometimes, Love Just Ain't Enough

Now, I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

(Chorus)

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

(Chorus)

And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.
Oh, Oh, Oh, No

Empty Glass...

It's been a few months since I decided to look another opportunities out there.. I'm talking about moving to another company, another industry, switch career, go take master degree, searching for scholarship overseas, take a part time job, thinking about building my own business....anything!! Anything but now !!
Please.. don't get me wrong.. It's not that I don't like it here as where I am and what I do now.. It's not that I don't thank and be grateful enough to still have a job, friends, co-worker and boss who support and have their full faith on me... It's just.. that.. I begin to feel almost like an empty glass now... contra productive.. worthless..

It's not that I hate being a banker.. I always have My Mom as my Role model, she's a banker and deep inside I envy her so much.. I used to think that it's not easy to work in a Bank, smart people can work everywhere, but to be a banker, U have to be honest and trusty since u are working with a lot of people's money.. At least that's what my Mom always taught me since I was a child...
When I applied for this job a year ago.. I had this idealistic view...
Working in a foreign bank, meet a lot of rich people, handle their account, be smart and learn how to be a great wealth manager... tell them in what and how much to invest and how long in certain period of time..
time goes by.. and now.. I already lost all those believes.. There's nothing as a great relationship, understanding, trust... It's all just business !
Let's say that there was a client, He's loaded and want to invest the money, he asked me where he should put the money.. Of course the client trust me 100% as his Account Manager in the bank.. From my personal opinion there is no investment safer than savings or time deposit nowadays, but those products do not generate revenue to the bank.. and I have my Target ! Therefore.. I would recommend him to put his money in a less conventional product and risk his money to achieve my target..
Do U think I am a bad banker...? No..! We call it professional !
next case.. there is a client who want to take all of her portfolio in the bank because she got a better interest rate in the other bank.. as an account officer, I have to manage the portfolios I handled, therefore I insist the client not to do that and insist her to keep her money in the bank..
Or.. I keep persuade people to put their money in the bank that myself do not trust in...
Am I out of my mind ?! No ! We call it persistence and committed !

I don't blame anyone, not the condition, the company, or even the bosses...
They are all just the same as me... the victim !
It's my problem..
It's the consequences..

The thing is.. I don't want to do this for the rest of my life... In general as a professional, I see how my Mom work hard and struggle for life.. be the backbone for the family.
Being a professional, get fully respected, be settled and secured is one thing I always wanted..
In detail as a banker, U have no idea what people can do for money...
But now everything become so far and blur..
Professionalism and career don't impress me that much anymore..

There are many ways to obtain success...and most people get it by doing what they feel most comfortable and enjoy.. like what my friend Erika said "Find the job U like and U don't have to work for the rest of ur life..."
I have to find my passion and do it.. as simple as that.. and I'm wasting my time to find it by doing what I do now...

Post Movie Report : Push

Hohoho...
Finally I got the chance to see the movie... quite a dilemma at the first between 'Marley & Me', but since they did play 'Marley & Me' no more @citoz, we decided to watch Push.. ^^

To be honest I don't think the movie is that good, I can say the idea is more or less taken from the combination of movie Jumper and the X-Men..
The scene and movie background is the same like jumper which there're people with unique and supernatural ability who are chased by another bunch of people like special agent which called the 'division'.. but unlike jumper, there are various abilities in this movie all combined together make a more complex story plot divided in two sides.. bad and good..
At some point, I just couldn't grab the complexity and the story just flowing make a circling plot which ended pretty confusing and 'flat'..
Although the idea of superhuman battling took almost the whole frame of the movie, but I can say there're too few action scene in compare with x-men or jumper...The action is pretty cool and all the fight scenes are fun but there needs to be more to the script than that.

At the end I would say 7 out of 10 is the best rating I can give to the movie... ^^

Kabut kalbu beraroma sendu

Dahulu ada keindahan dalamku
Warna-warni menghiasi relung hati
Kadang bersinar, kadang hanya menyala kaku
Namun tak pernah mati...

Dahulu tak kosong ruang itu
Bersih rapi terawat
Sesaat angin sejuk meniup pilu
atau hanya terasa hangat

Dahulu lidahku liat
meliuk mesra dengan kata-kata indah
Berisi cinta hebat
yang takkan pernah punah

Dahulu kupuja masa yang kupunya
Indah terisi hari-hari bersamamu
Namun semua telah sirna
Seturut cahaya yang larut dalam kabut kalbu beraroma sendu
Bagaikan pelangi kehilangan warnanya
Aku merindukanmu...

-Johan, January 25th, 2009-

Post Movie Report : City of Ember

Wew.. another movie giving a slight glance about how the world will end..
It's not the newest movie, in fact I was about several-months late watching the movie since it played at the theater.. Well..watching DVD is still a great idea for me to spend the weekend alone.. :p
Like I said before, the idea of the movie more or less is about the doomsday, how a bunch of what they called the 'builders' build an underground world to save all mankind because of the uninhabitable outside-world... The underground world called The City of Ember..
The City of Ember built with Generator as its power source and would only last for 200 years..
The main frame is about how 2 kids trying to escape the city when the time has passed and the generator can not support the population any longer..

It's not the best fantasy movies I've ever watched, it lacks of special effect and I feel that the movie should made in longer duration.. I got the idea but I kinda curious for the details, like why and how the outside-world became uninhabitable ...?
Anyway.. Unlike some of my friends who said this movie is a big failure..
I did enjoy the movie.. :) Hmm I wonder.. What would it be if you live underground and never see the Sun in your whole life ? ^^